Chasing Pavements
by Evangeline Vera
Summary: An in-depth look into the thoughts of one with so much love to give. Based on a true story and Adele's song. AU.
1. I've Made Up My Mind

Hello patrons!...If I still have any. :) So, a busy year after my first fic here, I offer you this new one. The first two chapters are going to be reminiscent/journal-like, and, may be a little boring. The third chapter will sound more like a story, though. So here. Hope you guys like it. Reviews are love. :D

I.

NOVEMBER 2011

It all started around the start of October. It was right about 6:30pm on a Friday. We just got out of class, and what I remember to be weighing our brains down was the fiasco of undergoing the very first of our weekly major group projects for an equally major subject. We were all still new to the process of putting together a TV show and everybody had to blindly help themselves through the entire thing, which was truly getting under our skin.

More so in this girl than others, apparently. She was ranting. And she was hungry. And she was broke.

"I have no idea where she gets the guts. It's ridiculous. I can't believe it. Ugh."

I had offered to buy her something to eat. It wasn't something I'd do frequently, especially for people who mean very much to me. She happens to be one of them. But she wasn't like the others, who would have the tendency take advantage of my kindness. She would **never**.

"Will you shut up?" I plead with her. We were walking back to our dorms on campus, on which way I told her I knew of a good rice toppings place. "We're here. You shall be appeased."

She goes "Yay!"

She doesn't stop ranting though, even after she's placed her order. I had tuned her out for the most part, starting to get tired of it. I tuned back in after a noticeable moment of silence. I turned to her and knew that she had stopped to think. True enough, "I'm turning into them," she tells me. I was like "Turning into who?" And then she gave me this look, so then I understood. "Oh, you mean you might be starting to abuse my kind heart?" said I. She was referring to our other friends I spoke of earlier, who would make the most of my generosity. And my allowance.

"Yeah," and then she was quiet again. I don't know what made me say what I was gonna say next, I guess I really did mean it: "It's okay. I'd take abuse from you." Then I hug her from the side, 'cause we were standing, waiting for her food.

She tried to defend me and began with a "No,…" I could tell she had nothing to add to that, due in part to her hunger, and due in other part to simply not knowing how to respond to what I said.

When her food was ready she took two pairs of chopsticks so she could share with me, and promised she would pay me back. I asked her to please not. "My grandma's just sent me birthday money. Why else do you think I'm treating you?"

Of course she resumed her rant as we ate while walking. She almost grumbled all the way home. I'd stop her to change the subject once in a while, but she'd always find her way back. This is her when she's frustrated. She has this thing for working herself up over stuff like this, even if it wasn't necessary. I wouldn't be able to point that out about her until much later.

"I mean I'm stressed too, you know, we all are. Our group doesn't even have a proper system. You guys are doing so much better because you've got experience and you obviously know what you're doing. If it weren't for Tess, who isn't really doing THAT big a damage, you guys would…"

"She's been such a biatch lately, she's causing everyone stress and she's the DIRECTOR! Crap we're all gonna fail. She's going to cause damage, alright."

"Mrs. D is not going to fail you, chill. Not because of just one person. Dang, Mitchie."

"Dang what?"

I huff and revert to silence. Amazingly, she stays quiet also. I then ask her questions about her family. That always gets her to calm down. We stay on this topic until we reach the pathway to her dorm's front door. I don't quite remember what our parting words were exactly, but I do recall, with perfect clarity, that halfway down the path she stopped and turned her head to look back at me. And wondrously, I was still standing there, waiting for her to go inside. I looked at her, too. That would be the moment I felt something—I knew something had changed.

When she finally did go inside, I randomly felt the need to appreciate the beauty of the stars, and the night in general. I probably thought, even then, that it was a night I wasn't going to forget.

Over the course of the weekend that followed I was so bothered. I couldn't get Mitchie out of my head. What is this? Why do I feel this way all of a sudden? Maybe this'll just fade away. What if it doesn't? Oh, Lord, that would mean this is how easily I fall. Holy shit, what does that say about me?

Much to my anxiety I had to deal with it 'til that Monday. I desperately wanted to know what was up with me—if I was going insane or if I was now a doomed, fickle individual—and so I found myself pouring my heart out to none other than Harper, who said, "…Wow, Lex… Um, I think you've got yourself a crush. And from what I know crushes to be like, you won't be able to help yourself."

"Ugh," and a slap to my forehead was all I could say to that.

Mitchie knew I was bi. For some very odd reason that very same day I wanted to let her know how I was feeling. So after class I told her I was spoiling her for the night, and that she shouldn't ask any questions about it. She was quite satisfied not to.

A hotdog and Coke float later, while she was watching ME eat (**I** got hungry buying **her** food) I ended up garbling something weird, something like, "Remember I told you a while ago that I wasn't straight? And how I said I would spoil you tonight and I did? C-Can you figure out why?"

"I think I've got an idea," she replied. The look on her face was one that of—well, something like—concern. If I were to put it to words: "I'm taking this in right now… from you…I think I should be worried but I'm really not sure…"

I thought I should continue. "I don't have a thing for you." LIE. I chickened out. "I just figured some stuff out last weekend, and, well, yeah." Nice save. :|

I happened to be eating pork barbecue that time. I think what I just did really got to me 'cause it wasn't until I was a quarter of the meal done that I saw my shirt had barbecue sauce all over it.

I wanna stop talking about that particular experience now, but just to put a proper end to the story: I was glad that night didn't come to a close awkwardly, which was what I was afraid of. I just remember we talked about something funny and then we were fine.

x x x

Here I am, a month later, more at a loss than I had ever been in my life.

I wrote her a note about a week after the *insert air quotes here*confession. I guess it was a way for me to make myself a bit more clear. Although I'm not sure it really helped. In the note I told her I've come to feel for her what I've never felt for any of my other friends before, and that "with not much more than a push" she would "become my whole world." Now how would you react to something like that from a close friend, a close GIRL friend, nonetheless? Yeah, I wouldn't know either.

But this sweetheart stuttered, "I-I-I don't think I deserve it," and tried to express herself further by saying "I-I-I mean, I wanna, I wanna try to live up to it, I know I'm…" That's where I cut her off.

"It's fine, love. You don't have to say anything." 'Love' would be what I'd be often calling her.

It's been downhill for me since then. She's been showing probable signs of interest, but I have no clue what to truly make of these signs. In the first few weeks following that little note, I would find myself unconsciously fixing my eyes on her for long periods of time, even in class, and she'd look back at me. I wouldn't look away because her shining eyes would take me, and although peculiar, neither would she. Now that I've given it some thought, she was probably figuring out stuff within herself as well. She may have come to a conclusion in the next few weeks, because the scenario changed and we would now look away when caught staring—me, for fear of being too taken and falling in too deep and out of my reach, her, for God knows what reason.

It's become clear to me, though, that I might've had feelings for her much longer than I had imagined. Maybe I've liked her since we met, since I learned her name, her nickname-like sounding 'Mitchie'. Maybe I just never really paid attention. But for sure, my heart's been making space for her since the start of our junior year. Once, she became the topic of conversation amongst our friends. I don't remember where she was off to that day, but some topic led to another and then we were talking about her—how young she is (she finished high school exceptionally early; she's 2 years younger than me), her brash, boyish personality ("Has Mitchie ever had a boyfriend?"), and how the fact that she's never had a boyfriend is a curious thing, because she's pretty. No one's ever noticed before, but she actually has a breathtaking smile. It's actually so radiant it can fix a bad mood all on its own, proven a number of times.

I had never agreed with anything more, ever, than with that conversation's last two topics. I've always had a soft spot for Mitchie (which I never really bothered to question myself about), so I passed my strong agreement as simple acknowledgement of the truth.

Mitchie had always been attractive; her smile had always been extraordinary. And then she decides to spend the 2 years we've known each other blooming into this… hot chick. Without even trying. The angle of her face became more profound, she's grown her hair out, she's also grown gracefully into her own shape, and her eyes sparkled their sparkliest in the history of their existence. It truly was a great mystery that she still hasn't been chased by guys from all directions (there's probably something wrong with the boys within our proximity. That, or their all terrified). "Maybe this is just a huge girl crush," I would think to myself sometimes. I'm a normal human being who can tell what's good looking from what's not. Right?

Well yes, but if this were just a girl crush I wouldn't have the constant, unexplainable, desperate need to be near her. Also, maybe she wouldn't be making regular cameo appearances in my dreams. And I probably wouldn't make it such a big deal to cater to her every whim. And perhaps I wouldn't be so friggin' affected whenever she would pay more attention to other people than me. Geez, I could go on forever.

A month into this whole debacle, my mind has been made. If in, say, another month this doesn't leave me, or worse, gets even stronger within that length of time, I'm in serious trouble—the kind peeps like to call love. Eck.

Or else, why would it occur to me to call her 'love' of all the cheesy pet names?


	2. I'll Never Say Enough

AN: I only learned to check traffic stats like 2 days ago, and so I've learned that a ton of people are reading this story. And what I have to say to that would be :D

This may be another boring chapter. You'll have to bear with me. We need this or there won't be a back story.

Thanks to the 117 (?) people who read my first chapter. To those who reviewed, thank you! Much appreciated. I shall get to mentions and replies in the next one so you have to review again. ;)

II.

AUGUST 2012

It has been 10 agonizingly long months since the first particles of more-than-friendship feelings were born within me.

I can't believe it's going to be a year soon.

About 2 months ago I thought I had finally seen salvation; that I'd gotten over her. I thought I was going to up and transfer all of it to someone else I would find more deserving. It would be the most rational way to think, after 2 big fights and a little one. But noooo. It's the most ironic thing, that your hypothalamus in found in your brain, and it's where all emotions come from (and it also determines your sexual orientation) but the brain has little to no power over them.

Mitchie transformed into a brat for a while. Tess had bitten off a rather large chunk of her ego, and so she found the need to replace what was lost with an even larger piece that did not quite fit the hole it was supposed to be filling. Although that was never obvious to others, it was obvious to me.

She was even colder and more distant than she was on her off days in the past. If she simply used to have a penchant for working herself over the top before, in the last semester she learned to turn "working-herself-up" into plain and simple "work". If you get what I mean. Stress became her career, like it was some sort of life force to her, like she needed it or she'd fall apart. And again, this appeared as brilliance and excellence to others; to me as well, but the undertones did not get past me.

It was as if she was always fishing for approval and assurance, both from other people and from her own self. I would constantly feed her with them, but it was like she didn't deem my approval and my assurance of her sufficient. It's like I'll never say enough.

In the midst of all that there was still staring on some occasions, from both parties. Kisses on the cheek (which is excessive between us, well used to be) was completely eliminated. Except from me. Because I, on the other hand, had become even sweeter and more accommodating. I've written her countless more little notes and letters after that first one, through it all waiting for the reemergence of the sweetheart of a girl I met in '09. To no avail of course, but I never gave up. I chose to go through so much more with her in this last year than we ever did as friends since we met.

I would even learn to play songs she would get mini obsessions with, and so now I memorize her favorite artists and songs by heart.

I guess we're closer now, I can certainly say that.

You know that close friend people have that sometimes functions as a mother sometimes more than their real one? Yeah, we have a friend like that. She asked me one time what I would do if Mitchie got herself a boyfriend. "Like, right now?" I asked her back.

"Yeah," she replied. To which I said, jokingly "That would be a little too farfetched right now, don't you think?" This was during the time I attached myself to Mitchie's hip, so she was there the whole time this was going on.

"You'll never know…" our friend went.

Me: "Oh… well then I really wouldn't know what to do."

Friend: "Why not?"

Me: *shrugs*

Mitchie: "That is not gonna happen for a really long time, anyways."

Me: "Are you sure? You better make sure. Please don't go off and get a boyfriend anytime soon, Mitch. I truly would not know what to do with myself. 'Cause I'd be left alone, BY MYSELF, while ya'll are off floundering with your special someone's! (All of the people in our tight circle of friends have love interests except Mitchie and I. Well, I do, apparently, but…)

Mitchie: "I won't, okay?"

What was the point of that random question anyway? I'd say she's picked up a few ideas here and there. At least SHE has. What about my target?

There'd be days I would swear she feels the same. "She must be feeling something for me or else she wouldn't have done this, or said that…" But the girl's just so damn inconsistent it would be silly of me to assume anything. There'd also be days she would act like she was allergic to me, you know. And in direct contradiction to that, there'd be days when she would park herself on my lap for such lengths of time and let me hold her tight, almost like we were together.

In the first of the 2 big fights we had she made me cry. It's a painfully long story I'd rather not slave over. I stayed away for 5 straight days, thank you very much. We didn't speak for the first 3 of those days (we had to talk the last 2 days, kay, we worked together in an org and we had responsibilities). On that last day, we were on chat, she told me she missed me. I turned to mush and rushed back to her side.

The second time we fought was the little fight (note: we've NEVER fought before this school year). No one cried, but she did in the next big one, all 'cause I thought she didn't stick up for me (another novel-length narrative I'll save for never; this one's already long as it is). Of course I said sorry and kissed her cheek over and over 'til she stopped. Thankfully, we haven't had a fight since then.

Oh, here's something interesting. On Valentine's Day, out of crepe paper I fashioned a paper rose, clipped a note to it and put it in her bag. Before she went home I told her to check her bag for something I put in. The next day she was extra nice. She picked my backpack up off the floor and offered it to me when we were about to leave a room. That was the last time she did something like that for me.

She's been the best I've seen her in a while, however, since our summer internship started. It was there she finally got the approval and assurance she's yearned for the longest time. She's currently a million hours over the number our school required, but she cannot bring herself to stop working and enjoy the last mandatory work-free summer of her life. She's gotten high off and addicted to the praise—to the seemingly incessant rising of her self-confidence. As opposed to her ego, which has now shrunk to its proper size (which is still quite big if you ask me)—a good effect of all this I guess. Also, the kisses came back out of nowhere, and the hugs, and everything else I've missed, which are everything I know should be enough for now. To know I'm special to her, even just a tad more than anyone else, would be enough. Beyond that would be great, but come to think of it, "beyond" would come with its complications, and I'd prefer not to put either of us through any of them.

So the summer's been going wonderfully in my world of Mitchie, except for the fact that she's completely fallen in love with her co-interns, and her boss, and well, just about everyone in her office department. I guess there's really nothing wrong with that. I probably wish they were all me.

I know I may have made her look like a selfish bitch somewhere here, and she is. On occasion. I could be online on Facebook all day, right in her face, but she won't chat with me unless she has a really great story about herself to tell, or she needs my help desperately. And I don't even see the necessity of an explanation if I declare right now that **she's taking me for granted. **:| It's pathetic, I know. But I think I'm in love with her regardless.

Still, I would defy all my latest statements on complications and stuff if she tells me one magical day that she's known what I have felt for her all this time and that she feels the same and wants to be with me. But this is why we have things like fantasies and daydreams.

I know I haven't said anything directly, but I would think she would've figured it all out by now. I'm ridiculously obvious. The way she's been towards me on some days could be indicators that she returns my feelings. Or that she knows how I feel and she acknowledges it as the very least. Not to carry my own chair, but I'm pretty damn sure there are times she doesn't want to but she finds me irresistibly cute. I'm 2 years older than her but really I'm a 6 year old for life, and that shows when I'm with my friends.

Well anyway, there goes what I said 10 months ago about this thing going away. I thought it would; I seriously thought it already DID.

It's true that love will drive you nuts. As proof you may have noticed I've been contradicting myself repeatedly this whole time. It's also true that love is a drug. Also that love is blind. And that love hurts, love changes you, and that love is hard but patient and kind and et cetera. Trust me; they won't say that stuff about love if they weren't true.


	3. Should I Give Up?

AN: I think this is the longest thing I've ever written. I don't remember a chapter this long in my last story. :0

Thanks to reviewers **manhattanProject** (hey there, genius), **greatpretender27 **and **NickiMinajLover**. Review again! :)

III.

NOVEMBER 2012

It has now officially been a year since I decided to get on this seemingly endless, sometimes useless, emotional roller coaster. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. Sometimes, I get off the ride completely, but because I'm an idiot I can never bring myself to STAY off.

Currently, I suppose I'm down. I'm probably getting off again at the next ride stop.

Mitchie is no longer single.

Second week of September I think it was, when some guy from Mitchie's past, Shane, pops up from Lord knows where and proceeds to shake up our perfectly organized, impending graduation-induced pressure ridden lives. They were on the verge of getting together in high school, according to Mitch's story, but the boy unceremoniously turned his attention to someone else, who was, sadly, close to Mitchie. This someone else is now apparently out of the picture, so Shane has decided to make up for the mistake he made and went on to pursue the next best thing—most likely his best right now—Mitchie.

The girl was apprehensive, of course. She's always been so careful with issues involving this subject. She told me once she rarely ever gets crushes; it takes her longer than normal to find someone worth caring about. It was this guy's fault she had become that way, but at the same time, this was her first love. We've all heard so much about first love, have we not? So we all encouraged her to let him in and that she deserved it, after how uptight she's been all college long, and I definitely needed an excuse to stop pining after her. Taken = off limits = my peace of mind. Or that's how I think it's gonna be.

So since Shane began to woo her (again? Did he woo her before? Mitchie said all they did in high school was text each other all day. Does that count?) I have withdrawn all forms of sweetness: No more random chocolate, notes and text messages, and no more touching than traditionally prescribed. And believe it or not, I'm breathing more freely than I had in months.

I think I'm gonna need to turn to trusty old Harper about this again, because like I did a year ago, I wonder what's up with me.

We're at one of the little parks they have on campus. It's been chilly in California, and a nice time to be in Berkeley. Harper sat across from me with her hair in a bun, reading, while I had my feet propped up on my seat, just watching people. I loved the spot we're sitting in. It's under a big umbrella, which is random, but I find it cozy.

"Harp?"

"Hmm?" she yawns. She thought it was best to finish that big paper we had to write the night before, so I guess she's tired. It's not even due 'til the end of the week. Even I'm only halfway through it. She's weird like that, 'cause on other days she's lazier than me.

"Never mind, we'll talk next time. Go get some sleep," I tell her, concerned.

"No, I was the one who asked you to come here with me. We haven't spoken in forever, c'mon, spit it out."

"But we're not even talk—"

"Yes we are; we're talking now. Please just get on with it," she says, far more awake than she was moments ago. I know she hates cliffhangers so I simply stare at her for the next few seconds, extending her agony. And then she hits me with her book.

I go, "Ow!" But I'm laughing. "Alright already!"

"Kay, good. What is it?"

"Do you think there's something wrong with me?"

"…Well, no, for the most part. I mean you can be just a bit annoying sometimes, and you can get so exceedingly preoccupied nobody can talk to you properly, and_"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Oh it wasn't? Sorry, I take it all back, then."

I take time to laugh before I begin again. "I mean with the whole… Shane… thing."

She gives out an extended "Oh," and pauses to think. "That was shocking, wasn't it? I'm still shocked, aren't you?"

"Yeah," I say with a sigh. "I never expected… I mean, this is Mitchie. Some of us even thought she would have no interest in boys whatsoever for another couple years or so."

"And so, in relation to your earlier question…?"

"I'm shocked, but…"

"You're not jealous?"

Harper, you've done it again. Smart ass. "No, I'm not. What's wrong with me?"

"Ah," Harper says with a nod. "Didn't we establish way way back that what you had was a crush?"

I thought for a while, and came up with an interpretation to what she said. "You mean what I felt slash still feel for her isn't serious enough for me to get jealous," I say.

"That's very likely, yes."

"Oh. But I always thought… I mean at some point I began to feel… for such a long time, I…"

"Well, it could be that—it was just a crush and now that she's taken it naturally faded away. Or…"

"Or…?"

"Or, whatever it is you feel slash felt has managed to get so god-dang deep and so god-dang strong that no matter the circumstances, you feel the same way and cannot be swayed to doubt, or be jealous, or anything."

I had to allow myself a few minutes to absorb all that. I stared at my shoes for a bit. I think this is all going to be questionable to me anyway, regardless of what anyone says, which is probably why I had to ask, "Are you sure?"

She smiles as she says, "Of course not. I'm no psychoanalyst; I'm just trying to help. If you yourself can't figure it out, I guess nobody truly can and we'll just have to wait and see."

There's a pause. And then, "The question is, actually: Are YOU sure you're not jealous?"

"Yes, I am," I answer in no time at all. "I remember being jealous, I know what it feels like and I can say with certainty that nope, not jealous right now, and as far as Shane's involved, never have been… Well they haven't been together THAT long so I can't really say if I'll be jealous in the long run, but again, right now, I'm absolutely sure I'm not," I finish with a little too much passion.

Harper just looks at me and says nothing for a few seconds and then says, conclusively, "Alright, I believe you. But just to be sure: Would you rather, at this very moment, have Mitchie be with you than with him?"

I surprise myself and tell her, "No, it's fine, they should be together."

"Why?"

"If Mitchie likes him that much, I mean c'mon, Mitchie's been afraid of showing interest in anybody since she finished high school because she was 'traumatized' by what this dude did to her. But now he's back, and I'm pretty sure he likes her too, if he's ever like her before…" I trail off.

Harper goes "Mmhm," with a tone that says this time she's not so sure she believes me. Just by how she looks like I can tell her gears are turning. "Okay. What if I suddenly develop deep, unstoppable, I-swallowed-love-potion-help-me type feelings for Mitchie and I needed you to break them up for me. What would you do?" she looks at me quizzically now.

"I'd probably talk to Shane and tell him Mitchie's such a cry baby. In freshman year I was on the phone with her and I told her she had the tendency to adapt others' opinions as her own and she cried. Well she was 16 then, but I dunno. I wouldn't have cried over something like that at 16."

She listened intently while I spoke, and afterwards said, "…That's it?"

"Yeah, that's all I can come up with on the spot. But of course with a little more elaborate planning, I could—"

"No need, Lex. You gave me everything I needed to conclude.

"And thus you hereby conclude…?"

"And thus, I hereby conclude, that you truly are not jealous,"

"I think we've established that. What else?"

"And… that just because you're not doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you."

"So, it really WAS just a very big crush?"

"…I don't know."

"Harper!"

"What?"

"I thought you had a conclusion?"

"That was it!"

Not knowing what else to do, I take her book from where she'd put it down on the table in front of us, and smacked her lightly on the forehead with it.

"Hey!" she protests, rubbing that spot on her head. "Is this how you thank me?"

"Yes. Also I blame you for my confusion."

"Wonderful. Treat your nice, helpful confidant this way, why don't you."

"Ugh."

"Alex, I really don't know what's bothering you, you're doing fine. From what I've heard, and take it from me as well, relationships are headaches. You better be thankful all you have to deal with are feelings, and not, you know, a whole other human being."

That made a lot of sense, actually. "Well yeah, I guess I can think of it that way."

"Just… let things be, I guess. Less stress. Hey, I'm rhyming!"

"I suppose, dork," I answer, giggling. "But thanks, Harp."

"Sure thing. You're a dork too, hypocrite. Coffee later?" and she made to stand, surely to go back to her dorm to take a nap.

"Yep," I said to her now retreating form.

I figure I'mma stay here a little while longer.

x x x

It was Thursday, 3 days after that conversation with Harper. I had just spent the afternoon at the library, finishing up the paper that was due the next day. I thought it turned out good, best of my essays by far, I'd say, so I was pretty elated. Plus I scored a Coelho novel, which is a rarity at the lib because somehow the Liberal Arts students (besides me, unfortunately) liked to pass the novels on to one another so much the books don't ever, it seems, make it back to the shelves. But I found one, and like I said, I'm in such a great mood right now.

I was in line at the checkout counter, thinking about what I was gonna order at Starbucks later where I was going to read my book, when I heard a familiar voice calling my last name.

"Russo!" and there it was again. I turned around to see who it is, and it's—surprise, surprise—Mitchie. When she gets close enough to hear me at a regular volume, I say, "You and your big mouth do not belong in the library. Get out."

She smiles that smile she should sell for a million bucks and quips, "Says the girl who claims she accidentally swallowed a megaphone when she was little?"

I shake my head in defeat. "Fine, truce. What are you doing here?"

"Well if you must know, I met up with my thesis group.

I had to ignore her during the short time the librarian was checking the book out, after which I direct my attention back to her. "Oh yeah? And how is it coming along?"

"Pretty good, actually," she walks with me until we make it out of the building. "We're pretty chill. The parts are coming together good. What about yours?"

"Same, thank heavens," I tell her. "I hope it stays that way. Hey, I was gonna go grab a drink to accompany this book," I hold it up to her. "It's a score. Coelho books barely make it back to the shelves. Wanna come with?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm craving Milk Tea right now, actually."

"Hm. That's sounds good," and we start walking again. "I was thinking coffee but come to think of it I've been having too much of that stuff. I've forgotten bout good 'ole Milk Tea."

"Have you really? You used to be hooked."

"Uh huh, that was before the whole senior year situation. I have to stay awake now, most nights. And Milk Tea doesn't help with that."

We got to the Milk Tea place and ordered the exact same thing like we used to. We both didn't like flavoring, just plain milk and tea. Well, I ditch the pearls at the bottom. She, on the other hand, pays for an extra serving.

And then we were talking like it's been 3 years since we last spent time with each other when it's only been a few weeks. Which is strange, because we have almost all our classes together. But then oh, right. Shane.

We were yapping away so much we'd interrupt each other with a change of topic. I missed this. This was how we used to be when there weren't any extra, possible, unspoken feelings. When I started to see her in a different light, we would only get like this when we were with other friends. It would get serious and sometimes awkwardly quiet when we were left alone. Despite that, there would be days she would insist on staying with me even if she didn't have to, like when it got late, or one of us was tired. That was one of my bases for thinking she might feel for me too. I guess at this rate, we've been apart far too long.

We talked about mutual, historic enemies and mutual opinions, her family, of course, being her favorite thing to talk about, grades, the future, the past, and how unbelievable it is that it was like only yesterday that we just got here and now we're going to be leaving soon.

Out of the blue I ask her how she and Shane are doing. Maybe I was curious. This was her first relationship and none of us ever expected she would get into one before graduation.

"Oh, we're okay, I guess."

I ask her why she doesn't seem so sure. So then she enumerates all these… expectations she had for the guy that she thought he was going to fulfill, which was why she gave him a shot after all.

When she was finished, I smiled softly, a smile I'd unknowingly come to save only for her, and said, "Baby girl, you can't expect everyone to be as sweet as me. One must first be gifted."

She has on her face an expression I can't exactly read. I think it's somewhere between "You're insane," "You're making perfect sense," "Uh oh," and "I miss you." Crazy how all those can fit at once. She keeps that up for a short while, then looks down. I can see her teeth begin to make an appearance, then she's full on grinning and throwing tissues at me.

"Seriously though," I say with a straight face. "This is a real life, love. You can't allow yourself to depend on rom-coms to tell you what a boy's doing right and wrong in a relationship. You have to be fair. Only rom-com boys are able to develop enough sensitivity to buy you roses and tell you you're beautiful every day, or go somewhere high up and tell the whole world he's in love with you. And even then, they're still not perfect. This is a real guy we're talking about.

I stop for a while to judge her reaction. It looks like she wants to hear more, so I continue, "…I'm sure you mean a ton to Shane. Maybe you should try appreciating all the things he does for you instead of counting what he doesn't."

When my feelings for Mitchie began to emerge last year I had consequently made very keen observations of her, some of which I mentioned in my Valentine note to her. Another of them was that she was a hopeless, HOPELESS romantic. She yearns for a romance, a true one, where she'll get swept of her feet and all that jazz. **I **had been her closest experience to it all. I wonder if she's realized that now.

When we were about to part ways, she made me promise not to be a stranger so we could hang again soon. I pressed my cheek to hers goodbye, only to be called back and embraced tightly and kissed on the cheek for real. When stuff like this would happen before I wouldn't hug her back as tightly because I'd be so stunned, and afraid I might get carried away. But now, I had to. I won't lie and say I don't miss this at all—I miss it, and I miss her.

She was going to let me go but she pulled me right back in again. We were in the middle of the sidewalk outside the tea store, and people were starting to stare.

"Um, am I gonna die soon?" I say with a slight laugh.

"I'm sorry. I just miss you so so so much… I remember you used to tell me you missed me every other day sometimes."

"Yeah, that was whacked. I did miss you though, pathetically."

"I never thought it was pathetic, Alex. I said it back, remember? I just… maybe… took it for granted." And then she finally releases me.

"Why are you being so cheesy? Who are you and what have you done to the real Mitchie Torres?"

"Shut up," she cries with a shove. I fall backward slightly.

I tell her I need to get going because I promised dinner with Harper and Caitlyn, and swore I would help them prepare for the graded recitation we were having Monday. So then we separate.

I honestly thought I would eventually see what a waste of time and heart beats it would be to feel this way for her—and still I'm not completely sure how far these feelings extend. For Pete's sake, Harper can't tell me. But today Mitchie came to check on the flame within me, and though I thought it would've been flickering off by now, it remains lit and resilient.

What am I supposed to do now, should I give up, or…?


	4. If It Leads Nowhere

AN: Thank you to faithful reviewers **greatpretender27,** the always brilliant **manhattanProject, NickiMinajLover, **and my pal **SuperGrav****yMan**. Everyone else, thanks also. Keep reading and alert-ing and stuff. :D

IV.

1ST WEEK OF JUNE 2013

"…That was… the craziest thing I've ever had to go through. Ever. In. My. LIFE!" That's Harper. She's flipping out over our just concluded thesis defense.

Her group mates—Caitlyn and I—are both still so hyped up on caffeine, and nerves, and caffeine, that we're still speechless and in a state of trauma and shock and—

"Holy shit, that was crazy," now that was me.

Caitlyn is the last to gather her bearings, "How do you guys think we did?"

I was rather impressed with the both of them in there. Heck, I'm impressed with myself. Of course I've had full faith in us from the start, but I didn't expect us to do as well as we just did. I was thoroughly surprised. Pleasantly.

"We did pretty well if you ask me. Good job, you guys. The worst is over. We're practically outta here," I beam at them.

"Oh my god."

"What is it now, Harp?" says Caitlyn, with her 'I'm ready for anything' game face on.

"Oh, nothing. We're graduating. We're actually graduating. Damn."

The three of us then give a sigh all at the same time, as if on cue. Caitlyn slouches in her chair and tilts her head towards the sky. "We've spent so much time with each other we now share brain cells."

We share a laugh at that, at everything else we've been through, at what we've just achieved, and what are to come.

x x x

I haven't seen Mitchie since shortly after Christmas break. Most of us spent our holidays reviewing our thesis papers and being uncertain about our futures, so much so that I for one forgot about my feelings, which didn't really bring me relief since they were replaced with anxiety.

She and Shane are still together, which I think is wonderful, and I'm not being sarcastic. Mitchie is so cute being one-half of a couple. If only we'd known we would get to see this side of the girl when she was in a relationship, we'd have pushed her to boys early on—solely for our entertainment.

I've gotten over the fact that I don't feel any kind of pain or resentment because she's not with me, as well as the fact that this may be abnormal. I just probably have so many damn things on my mind lately. I desperately want these next few weeks to pass already. I swear I'm on the brink of losing it.

Fortunately about a week after thesis defense I received a life-changing phone call. It was from one of my superiors at my summer internship with whom I had gotten quite close. This was how his announcement went: "Hey Alex. You remember how you were constantly yapping away about your Big Apple dream? Well guess what. Because I'm a saint, I can make it come true. The network's looking for fresh meat in the Creatives department. I put in a good word for you, and they said if you can send over a portfolio and resumé ASAP they'd be willing to fly you over here right after grad. Of course the pays not that high for trainees, and the hours are insane, but—"

I'm not so sure if he said more after that 'cause I was too busy screaming and jumping up and down.

x x x

3RD WEEK OF JUNE 2013

It still feels like a dream. In fact I might believe I just dreamed the whole thing if Zeke (the guy I owe big time) hasn't been nagging me almost everyday to get my papers done since his first call. I'm really happy for Zeke. He used to work in the tiny department of the large network subsidiary I was thrown into last summer. Before that he was part of the network's Writers' Pool. They recently begged (bribed) him to go work for them again for a new series they were shooting purely in New York called NY Rush Hour. It's about a group of friends trying to make it in NYC. Shouldn't be too hard to twist around; I'm about to become exactly that—'trying to make it in NYC'.

My parents and brothers are ecstatic for me. They were happy that my dream was going to come true soon, but more because they said I was finally going to shut up about it. I guess I was a bit yappy. Hey, that's passion for 'ya.

I'm sitting at Harper and I's fave spot at the park, under that big umbrella, which is convenient now that summer's approaching. I'm taking a break from studying for our final exam ever, for the subject Media Law. Harp and Cait are supposed to be here with me; I don't know where they are. I didn't bother to look for them since I'm perfectly okay by myself.

I take a long swig of my bottled iced tea. Out of the corner of my eye I make out Mitchie approaching the table. I put the bottle down and smile at her as she takes a seat to my right.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself," I say, taking her in. She learned to fix herself up a little more when she got herself a boyfriend, so you could just imagine how even more stunning that's made her lately.

"'Hey yourself?' You haven't seen me properly since January and all you can say is 'Hey yourself?'"

"Oh forgive me, milady. What I mean to say is it is an extreme honor to behold your presence," so then I tell her, looking straight into her eyes, "May I have the pleasure of knowing how you have been fairing recently? With Master Shane, and final exams and thesis defense and such?" While I say all that, I give slight bows and gesture with my hand the way they did in Princess Diaries.

She has that face of mixed up expressions on again, before she reduces it to a small smile, "There really is no one quite like you, Alex Russo."

Keeping up my earlier manner, "Why, thank you milady, but how quick you are to arrive at this observation," I answer. And then getting tired of it, I add, "Oh, you know I can't keep that up for much longer, so seriously now: Hello Mitchie, how are you? And what does 'see properly' mean exactly?"

She giggles first, then "Same old, same old. As far as last few months of senior year goes."

"And Shane?"

"Shane has been…unusually affectionate and stuck to my side these past few days."

"It's like a drug, isn't it?"

"Yeah, pretty addicting," she says with a blush and a knowing smile.

"Uh huh. Careful." And at that she rolls her eyes.

"So, true enough, FFL's contacted me. They're making me come back," she informs me, pride evident in her voice.

"Oh, what a surprise!" I cry, feigning it. She moves to pinch me but I dodge and she misses. "I'm kidding. That's great, Mitch. I'm really proud of you, you know I've always been."

She looks down meaningfully for a bit then looks back at me. "I know. Thank you. I mean it."

"You're welcome."

There's a brief silence, which she soon breaks. "How 'bout you, any signs of a stable future yet?"

I've only told Harper, I've yet to tell Caitlyn. I planned to be all dramatic and tell Mitchie a few days before I was to leave, but since she's openly asking now, might as well tell her.

I lick my lips before I start, putting the words together in my head. "You remember my boss Zeke?"

"Pale skin, dark hair?"

"Yeah, that dude. Well the Writers' Pool took him back in… He's in New York now, for NY Rush Hour."

"He's a writer on that show?"

"He is. He called me up last week, offered me a job as a junior scriptwriter," I pause for any reactions. None so far. "…I leave July 6th, Mitch. I'm going to New York."

x x x

LAST WEEK OF JUNE 2013

It would be overly cliché to detail the whole conversation that took place after that. So in a nutshell, here's what happened.

Mitchie acted like a jerk at first and wouldn't believe me. I guess I can't be too offended at that, considering how many times I'd told her stuff that weren't true just for kicks. She would believe me sometimes, which was fun, which is why I kept doing it.

Anyway, I convinced her eventually, after showing her texts from Zeke nagging me for my resumé and portfolio, plus a reservation form with the airline for the July 6th flight.

And then she plagued me with questions like "Why did you not tell me sooner?" "Where are you gonna stay?" "Aren't you scared? New York's pretty scary." "Why are you leaving so abruptly? Don't you wanna get some local experience first?" for which I mostly had answers related to my dreams and how badly I wanted to succeed.

It was obvious she was worried about me, and I vaguely recognized her inability to comprehend the fact that not only will we not have much time to see each other after grad, something she'd already accepted, but also, I was gonna be way over on the other side of the country, where the time is three hours ahead. It blew her mind somewhat, I'm pretty sure.

She didn't say any of that aloud, of course. Regardless, I assured her I would text and call and chat and Skype as much as I could, that I would come back on holidays, and that she's not going to notice me being gone so much because these past few months had been a test of distance already. Over the course of these months there was barely any communication between us but we're still friends, I tell her.

After the initial shock she calmed down and showed me was happy for me and that I deserved it—albeit in that partly detached way of hers I always saw through. She would get like this whenever something she didn't like so much would ensue, something she couldn't do anything about because others felt differently towards it.

I don't know, maybe this is all the air in my head talking, but I sorta think she's at a loss. She never expected this to happen. She probably wants to stop me but she knows she can't, and she doesn't want to give in and directly show me that she'd rather I stay put.

I don't know, probably.

Graduation has come and gone. I literally cried when I saw my grades; they were high enough to let me graduate with honors. So grad was a pretty awesome day. Felt like a giant thorn had been yanked off my heart. As I lie here tonight on my old bed in the house I grew up in (I'm spending a few days with my family before heading East), I'm pretty sure I cannot ask for things to get any better.

This is gonna be good for me. I finally have the chance to get her off my mind completely. I don't see where my feelings are leading me to anyway. I'm gonna live normally and be great and be happy.

And if I'm really good, maybe fate will throw a nice new someone my way.


	5. Finally, Could This Be It?

AN: Shout out to **NickiMinajLover **(you're welcome. Here's another shout out :D), the ever-genius **manhanttanProject**, my friend **SuperGravyMan **(I'll write you soon, dude, I promise), and **tatimac**.

I feel less people like this story than they did my last one. That one got a TON of reviews each chapter for some reason. PLEASE review, kids. Can I ask for at least 10 reviews for this one before I update? I wanna know what more of you guys think. Kay? Good. :)

Oh by the way, this is in **MITCHIE'S POV.**

V.

OCTOBER 2013

I miss her. I miss her like I have never missed anything in my whole life. This is very weird, considering I broke up with my boyfriend of close to a year two months ago. Am I not supposed to be missing HIM like this?

I missed him too, I really did. And I cried over the breakup just like every other young girl would. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and I'm perfectly normal. If I were still depressed right now, that's when I should be worried because that would mean I'm not healthy. I'm fine. I'm totally fine.

I miss her, though.

I would get like this whenever I've been separated from her for long periods of time. And then when that time is done and I get to see her again, I'd get tingles down my back out of joy. I don't know where these tingles would come from. Sometimes I would show her this joy, other times I won't. I dunno, wouldn't you think it would be weird to give a friend gigantic hugs after every school break? It's not even like you've known each other forever and treat each other like you're blood related. Well, she used to be something like family to me, but apparently, now, I don't think so anymore. Even then, it was never like how I saw Caitlyn and Harper, who are nothing if not my sisters. Alex was always… something else to me. Something… more?

When she began to be sweet to me I became even more unsure of what role she really has in my life. The way she treated and the things she would say—they like, came straight out of movies I know I love to watch, even though the plots were repetitive. She grew on me a lot during that time, though. She became important to me in ways I couldn't explain, and so I tried not to think about it too much. I'm usually thinking of so many others things anyway, which would make me forget all about these thoughts, but they would come rushing back whenever she would pull off something sweet.

I would never initiate conversation with Alex when we're apart, unless I find reason worth doing so. Ironically though, here I am, waiting for her to go online so I can talk to her. I'd always be so caught up in whatever it is that's keeping me occupied at that specific time; when that happens to me, everything else can wait. I guess at some point, even my relationship with Shane.

He never told me anything but I know this might be the reason he broke up with me. He probably couldn't handle it. He told me he just thought he wasn't meant to be my boyfriend; that I needed someone else with more to offer. I told him that was crazy. But he told me it wasn't my fault and promised we'd be friends (which he fulfilled, we've been in constant contact since then).

At first I felt bitter because he left me just like that. But after I did some thinking I realized it was my fault. I wasn't a good girlfriend. So I thought I should apologize and try to get him back. I did say I was sorry after a few days, but did not ask him to take me back.

I'm probably not ready to get into serious relationships just yet. That, or the feeling of longing I now have for one of my closest friends—and all the other feelings I have and have had related to that—are now becoming very hard to ignore, let alone deny. God, I need to sort them out.

Finally! I have been waiting for that green square at the bottom of your picture to appear long enough, Alexandra Russo.

_Mitchie Torres: Hey!_

_Alex Russo is typing…_

_Alex Russo: Hey. :) What up on your side?_

_Mitchie Torres: Oh, procrastinating work. _

_You?_

_Alex Russo: Nothing much. Slow day. Feels like everybody has writer's block._

_Mitchie Torres: But yesterday was a good day, right?_

_Alex Russo: It was. Might be the cause of today's drain. Yesterday sucked it all up._

_Mitchie Torres: Maybe you guys should just call it a day, since yesterday was productive._

_Alex Russo: That's exactly what I'm waiting for Head Writer to say. I feel like taking a walk in Times Square tonight. Look at the lights._

_I love those lights._

She sounds so happy. She's never been this happy. Or maybe I just haven't seen her as happy as this before.

_Alex Russo: Mitch?_

_Mitchie Torres is typing…_

_Mitchie Torres: Sorry. Spaced out._

_Alex Russo: Maybe you need air too. _

_Mitchie Torres: Maybe. Maybe I'll go out in a while. When I get this done._

_Alex Russo: That's gonna be QUITE a while. Haha! :p_

_Mitchie Torres: :p_

_Alex Russo: How's everyone over there?_

_Mitchie Torres: Same as when you last saw them. Half relaxed and half stressed. :))_

_Alex Russo: Yeah, can't say I don't know what that's like. Stuff exclusively witnessed at that office._

O…kay… now what would be a witty thing to say to that?

_Alex Russo: You haven't changed one bit, have you?_

_Mitchie Torres is typing…_

_Mitchie Torres: Whatcha mean?_

_Alex Russo: I mean you still like to leave me hanging on FB chat. What are you REALLY up to? You multi-tasking on me again, Mitchie?_

_Mitchie Torres: I am not. I'm not up to anything, I swear! I'm purely idle right now. I just spaced out again. I'm doing that a lot lately. I'm probably tired. Wanna see? I can show you. Go on webcam._

_Alex Russo: Woah there, love. No need. I believe you. I'm sorry it's kinda hard getting used to you NOT insanely busy all the time._

_Mitchie Torres: Whatever. :p_

_Alex Russo: Hows about the love life? Any new prospects?_

_Mitchie Torres: Not for a while, I think._

_Alex Russo: Why?_

_Mitchie Torres: …Don't feel like it._

_Alex Russo: That's what you said before Shane. :p_

_Mitchie Torres: I just… I'm always so preoccupied._

_Alex Russo: You admit that now? :o_

_Mitchie Torres: Don't rub it in, Russo._

_Alex Russo: ;)_

Damn. It's so obvious how happy this girl is right now. She's having the time of her life over there. And here I am… like this. I thought I would be happy too. I was so convinced my career life would be great working here, having gone through what I did last summer. Right now, it's not bad, but it's not what I expected either.

_Alex Russo is typing…_

_Alex Russo: Space out again?_

_Mitchie Torres is typing…_

_Mitchie Torres: Yeah, so sorry. Just thinking._

_You're so happy over there. :)_

_Alex Russo: I'm sorry. Dream city, is all. No intentions of flaunting it or anything. Does it look like I am?_

_Mitchie Torres: Don't be sorry. You're not flaunting._

_I'm really happy for you. :)_

_Alex Russo: Thanks, love. Means a lot. :D_

After all this time she still hasn't stopped calling me 'love'. I wonder if she knows I think it's sweet.

_Mitchie Torres: You're welcome. :) I hope you're eating right, though._

_Alex Russo: If by that you mean as much as I can, then yes, I'm eating right. :))_

_Rent here's not cheap, ya know._

_Mitchie Torres: Aw c'mon. You're making a fortune over there. And you STILL haven't sent me anything. :p_

_Alex Russo: If by fortune you mean half the minimum wage, then yes, I am making a fortune with which I can buy you an I LOVE NY t-shirt. Which, very well, I'll go get for you later when I go for that walk I'm craving._

_Mitchie Torres: Yay! :)_

_Alex Russo: :|_

_Mitchie Torres: :p_

_Alex Russo: Anyway, change subject. WHEN ARE YOU GUYS VISITING?_

_Mitchie Torres: Ask Caitlyn. She's the planner._

_Alex Russo: Come on down quickly! I miss you guys like silly!_

_Mitchie Torres: Then come home and visit us! There's a lot more of us here. :p_

_Alex Russo: But I'm sick of California and you guys haven't seen New York! :p_

_Mitchie Torres: …You have a point._

_Alex Russo: Don't I always? :D_

_Mitchie Torres: I miss you, you know. I miss you so much you have no idea._

She doesn't say anything for a while. It seems like she's unsure what to say.

_Mitchie Torres: Your turn to space out?_

_Alex Russo is typing…_

_Alex Russo: No, you just haven't said anything like that to me in 3 years. _

_Mitchie Torres: Oh haven't I?_

_Alex Russo: Nope. But you did say EXACTLY that 3 years ago. I wonder if you meant it the way you said it that time._

_Mitchie Torres: Of course I did! (Even if I don't remember) And I mean it now. I do. So dramatic. :p_

_Alex Russo: :p_

_Oh hey look at that! HW says we can go home! :D_

_Mitchie Torres: Oh. Well there ya go. :)_

_Alex Russo: So I'm off to a date with the lights of Times Square. Talk to you soon? You chat me almost everyday anyway. Reminds me of how I used to be with you. Funny._

_Mitchie Torres: Shut up. :p_

_Alright, go. Have fun. :)_

_Alex Russo: Thanks, I will. :)_

_Mitchie Torres: Bye. Love you. :D  
_

_Mitchie Torres is now offline._

I wonder what that did to her. I never do that—say 'I love you' first. She always says it first and then I'd say it back. I guess I just miss her THIS much.

Love. Have I loved her more than I ever knew all this time? 'Cause I'm sure I never felt this way when I was with Shane and he was far away. Where are these thoughts coming from? Could this be it? What everybody makes out 'true love' to be?


	6. Even If I Knew My Place

AN: Finally! Time to update. :) Hey everybody. :D So I didn't take forever to update because I didn't get 10 reviews, which was sad, haha, but because I've been really occupied. Senior year just started for me (yes, our school system's weird) Sorry! But here's the next chapter. Enjoy. :) And pray that the next one will come soon. ;)

Shout outs to: tatimac, iHeartDLove, the always amazing manhattanProject (I love your new story, dear!), NickiMinajlover, kaibigang greatpretender27, and sir SuperGravyMan. Thanks for the reviews, guys!

VI.

JANUARY 2014, Mitchie's POV

So, FFL was amazing. It was amazing while I was there as an intern, and it was amazing while I was there working as a regular. Those were the most incredible co-workers in the world right there, I'd bet my life on that.

But of course, simply spending my time with amazing people will not fulfill me, neither financially or career wise. Working for them can be so rigorous I couldn't get myself a part-time job to make ends meet. So, although with a heavy heart, I decided to leave FFL—my home, the people who took care of me—and move forward.

Alex came home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, of course. When I saw her for the first time since graduation, it truly hit me how much I really missed her.

I heard a knock on my door shortly before Christmas day, which was weird because I wasn't expecting anybody. When I opened the door to her with a huge grin on her face I hugged her like I never ever have. I think I knocked the breath out of the both of us, and almost knocked the two of us down with the size of it. And that was precisely when I became fully conscious of a familiar, funny feeling in my chest and stomach. It's familiar; I might've felt it before, but I was pretty sure at that specific moment it had…multiplied. Times ten. Still, I can't tell for sure what that was—is—exactly. Whatever it is, it's epic, I must say.

Simultaneous with the opening of that door was the opening of heaven's gate. Yeah yeah, I know, cheesy. But to me, that's how it felt. I had just told Alex I quit my job the day before that, and now here she was, telling me NYC Rush Hour was in need of a junior associate director and an assistant/alternate video editor. She said she'd be proud to recommend someone who could do both for the right price. And then, at my thoroughly shocked face, she asks, "So, how would you like to, maybe, move in with me? In New York?"

A month later I found myself settling into a new home, a new job, and living with someone I've only recently acknowledged I feel extraordinarily deeply for. That was after a well-deserved and well overdue vacation over the holidays, of course.

Oh, and one more thing I needed to adjust to was the fact that…Well, his name is Dan. He's at our apartment almost every day. He's articulate, intelligent, musically inclined, and a perfect gentleman, as well as insanely charming, adorable and funny. He's the talent coordinator and floor director for NYCRH. Not to mention, Alex is smitten with him. At least **I** think she is. The way she looks at him when he smiles—all googly-eyed. I have never, in my wildest dreams, thought I'd have to go through this sort of thing. I hate it.

Okay, well 'hate' is a strong word. Maybe I'm just annoyed. I mean this guy's way too main stream and is obviously up to no good. I expected Alex to be skillful at staying away from this type of guys. I mean, wasn't it she who told me rom-coms aren't always reflective of reality? Whatever happened to that? I thought Alex would go for someone more real; someone perfectly imperfect. I mean hell, for a long time I was convinced she wanted m—

"Mitchie? Earth to Michelle Torres?"

Dammit I was staring off again. I'm supposed to be editing. "Hey, Dan, sorry. I was just thinking about… this angle right here. I think I'mma cut it out, what do you think? Seems a bit out of place." Aaaand…safe! "Is there something you wanted?"

He has this half smug half sincere look on his face that no one else seems to be able to pull off, a look I don't know what I'm supposed to feel about. "Have you seen Alex anywhere?"

"Oh, I think she went out to get lunch. She did ask me to tell you, speaking of, that the corrections in today's script are already on your desk." Have I mentioned this guy's only a year older than Alex but already the positions he holds are quite high? His jobs entail ordering people around, even the ones who are taking home four times his paycheck. Like I said already, he's too good to be true.

"Oh, okay," he says with raised eyebrows. Which make him look even cuter. Great. How is that even possible? "When she comes back, could you tell her—"

"Tell me what?" In comes Alex. "I got some lunch. I got you some, too. Thought you might be hungry," Alex announces, addressing no one in particular, but then looks up at dreamboat, I mean dream boy, with those googly eyes again. Oh, COME ON.

"I was actually. That was…" his eyes lower, then come back up again at Alex's face, "That was really thoughtful, Lex. Thank you."

I swear they should put this into the TV show we're shooting. I've only seen them like this one other time, though, at our apartment. Thankfully most of the time they act like close friends.

But back to right now, Alex's eyes land on Dan's lips, and then licks her own. Dan starts to lean in. I begin to taste barf in my throat, and thus I thought I should clear it before I really throw up in here.

"Ehem."

Alex snaps out of it and turns to me. "Oh, here's your food, Mitch," she says to me. Dan, on the other hand, has turned beet red.

She got me a Philly Cheese Steak sub, which is the bee's knees I tell you. I guess this makes up for almost making out with someone right in front of me. "Aw, thanks, hun."

x x x

The rest of the day passes by uneventfully, until right about… now. Dan is inviting Alex out to dinner. Which wouldn't be the first time if Alex accepts. Does that count as dating? Can MY boyish, headstrong Alex actually be dating a guy?

Her table is right next to mine, you know. You could only imagine how I feel over here, right beside two flirting young adults, one of whom used to flirt with ME.

Alex is obviously about to agree to the boy's offer. I have to do something. So out of the blue, I pipe in, "But I was hoping to…um…" Shit. "Check out… the…" Shit, shit. "…Lights in Times Square! Yeah." Phew. There's a reason I'm not the writer between Alex and I; I'm not creative with scenarios. But I'm pretty sure I didn't do badly. Alex loves the lights in Times Square. I'm sure she'll take me.

They're now both staring at me like I decided to get a tattoo on my face.

"Will you please take me to see the lights in Times Square, Alex? She can go out with you tomorrow night, Dan. Pleeeaaase Lexy?" And I used the nickname. She can't resist me now.

Apparently I've caught Alex off guard with my uncharacteristic butting-in; but in all the years I've known Alex, she's never paid this kind of attention to someone other than me, let alone someone hot.

"Uh… oh, um… Sh-sure, Mitch. Dan, rain check?"

"Oh yeah… sure…" the boy answers, not even bothering to hide his surprise. He's probably never been turned down before, Alex being Alex.

Said girl then turns to me, and I forget to erase the goofy smile on my face I only realized was there too late. So, I guess there's no use in doing that now. It can stay there.

"Thanks, Lex. I've been meaning to tell you but I keep forgetting," the smile is still there. I can see its effect on her. It seems like she's forgotten all about Dan, who was still standing across from us, bewildered.

"No problem, sweetie, anytime. Sorry, Dan… Dan?"

It was now Dan's turn to snap out of it. "Huh? Oh! Oh, yeah. It's fine. Some other time then," he smiles and steps out of the room.

x x x

I understand now why she loves this place so much. Times Square has so much personality. It's like… it's speaking to you, the lights. I feel it's telling me I'm welcome here, that if I make it here, I can make it anywhere.

"So, what's with you all of a sudden?" Alex pulls me out of my reverie. From looking up at the lights, I look at her.

"What do you mean? Nothing's up with me. Is there?"

She just stares back at me, for a good 5 seconds, not saying anything. I'm used to her like this, so it doesn't bother me. I wait until she's done fishing for… whatever it is she's fishing.

Alex looks away and takes a bite of her hotdog.

When Alex starts to say something but chooses not to finish it, that means whatever it is she chose not to say has consequences, consequences she'd rather not deal with. I would usually let this be, but since this time I have an idea about what she decided to leave unsaid, I prod her. "Penny for your thoughts, Lex?"

She bites again into her hotdog and looks into my eyes once more. For another long time.

"C'mon Lex, spit it out."

She swallows, then takes a sip of her drink.

"Alexandra."

She chokes on her drink. "Dammit Mitchie," she says, and proceeds to go into a fit of coughing.

"Sorry."

When she's calmed back down, she goes "Alright fine, here goes… Do you have a problem with Dan? You know you can tell me right?"

I could not suppress the smile that forms on my face.

"Why are you smiling? That's my style, get your own." Which makes me smile even more. I look down and try to blink it away.

"Nothing, sorry," I clear my throat and succeed at getting serious. "I don't have a problem with Dan, what makes you think that?"

"Well, coz I kinda know you, and from the very accurate signs I've been reading off of you it sorta looks like you're—"

"Jealous. Fine. Maybe I am… a little bit."

"A little bit?"

"…A whole lotta bits."

Alex shakes her head at me. "Why? You've never admitted to anything like that. Ever."

I didn't expect to give myself away right then and there. I guess this is how strong my feelings have gotten, and this conversation was just a catalyst to my acceptance of it. Despite my knowing the answer, I take my sweet time to say it.

"…I'm not used to you not paying me an insane amount of attention."

"…You weren't like that when you were with Shane."

"That's because… Shane!"

"Right, sorry. Carry on."

I breathe in and out before continuing. I feel like my asthma's going to make an uncalled for appearance real soon if I don't. My heart is hammering against my chest. "…I know that's selfish, which obviously makes my reasoning null, but I guess I can't help it. I'mma back off from now on, kay? You don't have to explain anything."

When I look back up at her after my confession she's midway through chewing the last part of her hotdog. Her eyes are wide. "…Are you sure? I mean, you know, you mean a lot to me. You can just tell me, if you need my time or something, you know. If anything's bothering you, Mitch, I would never—"

"I know, I know. You just… go on with your life the way you wanna. When I feel something's off, I know what to do, I promise."

Alex looks meaningfully at me. Then leans over slowly and plants a lingering, sweet kiss on my cheek. Her kisses are always indescribably sweet.

"Okay," says Alex.


	7. Leave It There

VII.

FEBRUARY 2014, Alex's POV

This is just…ugh. The word 'frustration' is inadequate. I simply cannot find a better word to describe what's been going on lately. And I am absolutely… ugh. UGH.

In a matter of a couple of weeks Mitchie has turned from my fun-loving, occasionally very sweet close friend into my supposed ragingly jealous, clingy girlfriend; which is precisely the thing, because that's definitely something she is not.

I can tell poor Dan has been driven mad by the whole scenario. He's probably like 'WTF?' in his head all the time. I'd be if I were him. Lord, I really, REALLY like this guy. I've waited so long for someone like him to come round. But then here's someone who's SUPPOSED TO BE my friend, someone I expect to be happy for me, but instead she goes all sabotaging and…Oh my freakin gosh.

What, in the name of all things living and breathing, has gotten into that girl?

It wasn't that big of a secret, my feelings for her. I mean, I would assume; I practically spent four years throwing myself at her feet. Four useless years I could've spent with peace of mind and a bit more joy. But I pined after her, exerted unnecessary efforts to put just have a smile on her face, sometimes to no signs of appreciation more than 'thank you'. And now that I know I'm all better—maturing and falling for the best guy ever, she's acting like I belong to her and no one else can come close. It's the most selfish thing I've ever seen her do.

I mean, come on, Mitchie, how 'bout you cut me some slack? Why won't this girl let me catch a break?

To make it all worse, she broke her promise. A month ago she promised me she was fine and that she'd tell me if there was something bothering her but nooooo, she decides to act like the baby girl that she truly is, NOW of all times.

It started with her purposefully cutting-off my harmless conversations with Dan. 'Cause after that first time she ever cut us off, I thought I'd be sensitive and speak with Dan when Mitch wasn't around. But of course there'd be times when we really had to talk because it's about work, but she'd interrupt those conversations, too. Whenever I would open this up to her she'd just apologize and change the subject, which is SO like her. Each time, we'd end up just dropping it, but I would expect her to be able to control herself after that, but obviously not.

At first I found it cute, and I was like 'the best kind of revenge is when fate's doing it for you' but after a few days I thought she was just being rude. I would try to seriously talk to her, but then wouldn't know where to start without breaking any dams. I don't want to lose her; I've been through so much crap just to lose her in the end. Although, she wouldn't be rude or angry or anything when we were left alone, just the two of us. As I had anticipated, her occasional sweetness has transitioned to an everyday thing. She would ruffle my hair randomly, play with my fingers, buy me things—which I entertained, of course, I'm only human. It's nice to be taken care of for a change.

Right now, though, I've got my head in my hands on a bench in some nearby park. Nobody's at our apartment because Mitchie's off somewhere. Well, she more like stormed off somewhere, actually.

Here's what happened.

Dan insisted to walk me back to my apartment door tonight after dinner; I've been going out with him regularly. Usually I wouldn't let him get past the building entrance since I didn't want to start World War III upstairs. My first kiss with him was actually brought about by me trying to distract him from wanting to go upstairs. Of course, this isn't something I'm complaining about, just saying. I'd kiss him or he'd kiss me every time we'd get to my building at the end of a date, and then we'd separate. That worked for a while until tonight. He was so adamant about wanting to see where I lived. He knew I lived with Mitchie, kay, don't get any ideas. He swore he just wanted to know what our place looked like, and I didn't have a proper excuse ready, so I let him in. Thankfully, I thought, Mitchie was still out—probably still with the post-prod team.

Turns out sweet, angel Dan actually had something for me in his bag all along, which was a book I've been dying to find since forever. He found it for me at a book sale. "I knew you were gonna squeal and stuff and embarrass yourself so I insisted we come up here where no one will see you," he tried to say while I squished the life out of him.

It was in this position—Dan and I hugging tightly—that Mitchie found us when she opened the front door. Her eyes went from normal to wide when she saw us, to hurt slowly following, and then she stepped back out and slammed the door. Much to Dan's utter confusion.

"That girl has been confusing the hell out of me since she got here," Dan says, attesting to my thoughts.

"I'll tell you everything after I find her. Get home safe, kay?" And with a huff and a kiss to his cheek I take off after Mitchie. To no avail, as is apparent, because I got to the lobby and she was gone. I had no clue where she went.

I knew better than trying to call her; she's not gonna pick up. I considered calling some of the people we worked with that she had gotten close to, but after some thought I figured I should let this be for a bit. We'll talk when she's calmed down. When we've BOTH calmed down.

And that's how I ended up here, by myself.

x x x

I'm startled out of my light slumber when I hear something heavy fall. It's 3am. I remember Mitchie still hadn't come home when I fell asleep, so this racket must be her.

A sigh comes out of me as I pull my hair into a messy ponytail and reluctantly open my bedroom door to a very drunk Mitchie Torres, true enough, trying to set one of our dining chairs she knocked over back up. Trying and failing. In her attempts to right the fallen chair, she's fallen to the floor herself. I watch her for a while; obviously I wanna leave her be after how she's been acting, but the good person in me makes me take step after step after step closer to her to help her stand.

I realize I've never seen her this way before. Her hair looks like a family of birds has recently vacated it, her shoelaces are actually untied, she only has on half the hoody she was wearing earlier and her breath is making me dizzy. I don't drink, see; I'm horribly allergic.

For a moment I contemplated really just leaving her there so when she wakes up she'd see the mess she made of herself, that plus dealing with her hangover. To me, that sounds like something she deserves. Too bad I wasn't raised with the guts to do it. Since she can't stand on her own for the life of her, I resort to dragging her to the bathroom by the armpits.

"Uhm… nawt drunk," slurs the drunk.

"Yeah, you're not drunk, you're drunk off your ass," I tell her.

I leave her with her back on the bathroom wall to grab her pajamas and a wash towel. While I'm gone I hear her wretch. I lean on the door frame when I return, hating the situation and hating myself. I so desperately want to leave her there but my stupid conscience wouldn't let me. With a very deep eye roll that would give Blair Waldorf a run for her money, I approach the vomiting girl and hold her hair back for her. When she was through I let her breathe, but then she proceeds to go into an asthma attack.

"God damn it, Michelle!" I swear, before jogging to her room and bringing her back her inhaler. And then I go to the kitchen to bring her back a glass of water. She seems to have sobered up slightly. After downing all the water without putting the glass down, she hands it to me and rests her head against the wall. We both wait 'til her breathing goes back to normal.

"Well, wasn't that fun? Let's do it again some time." I'm really not one for sarcasm, but there are occasions, such as now, which totally call for some. Mitchie shook her head.

I've never witnessed a drunk Mitchie before. Fate probably refused to let me on purpose. Being not as open-minded as I am now that I'm older, I might've lost my respect for her back then. Our other friends say she's done some pretty idiotic things while drunk—once, I was told, she kept violently shaking a washing machine because it 'wasn't working' when actually the thing was turned off and nobody wanted to do any laundry. Another time they say Mitchie broke a glass or two. Worst part was she didn't own any of those stuff. I remember randomly asking what was with alcohol, and why people liked it so much. She answered, with a little more bluntness than she should've, "I like the feeling."

What did I ever see in this girl?

"But I thought you 'liked the feeling?'" Mitchie has her eyes closed, taking deep breaths. She shakes her head once more.

After some time, her breathing has evened out. "Why did you drink?" I finally decide to ask.

She gives me a shrug.

"Well isn't that just splendid."

I shut the toilet bowl with a loud thud and flush. Then I put her clothes and the towel, which were in the dry sink this whole time, on top of the lid.

"I got you pajamas. Clean yourself up and go to sleep. We are going to talk when we're both in the right state of mind," I tell her. I then leave her to her own devices and go back to bed, dreading whatever's going to happen next.

x x x

"Bacon," I say out loud, groggily. Then my eyes pop open. She made breakfast.

Thank heavens call time at work isn't too early, or we'd be having problems.

After getting ready for the day I step out of my bedroom freshly showered and in a tank top under a zip-up cardigan, some loose pants and flat-styled Converse. I take a seat at the table, grab and take a bite out of a slice of buttered toast. I put it down and am about to stand to make myself coffee when I see that's it's already been made, on the table in front of me. I take a sip. A little too sweet, Mitch. I put the cup down and look up. Mitchie is staring at me, holding frying pan with the bacon in it.

"It's okay, M, put the bacon down." So she transfers the bacon to another plate already on the table. I take a piece for myself, bite it, and then continued eating my slice of toast. When I look up a second time, Mitchie's still staring at me. So I stare right back. After a few seconds, I ask her "Why aren't you hung over? You an expert or something?"

Okay, I didn't mean for it to come out like that but I'm bitter. And I think she gets it because she didn't try to retort.

She did answer my question, though. "Took a coupla Advils and a cold shower."

"Oh, so it's true then, what they say about Advils and hangovers," I say with food in my mouth.

"I guess."

And then we were quiet again. But surprisingly, not for too long.

"I'm really sorry, Lex."

And so it begins.

I told myself I would stay calm. So far, I'm calm. "Sorry about what, Mitch? For breaking your promise and not backing off like you said? For breaking your promise and not telling me when something was bothering you? For being rude and inexplicable? Or for getting so drunk last night you would've died if I hadn't been there?" I ask, never once bothering to stop chewing. And hey, I'm still calm. I said all that in a straight voice, with a straight face.

Mitchie covers her face with both hands. She leans her elbows on the table. Her hands move from covering her whole face to just her eyes. She licks her lips. She's about to cry. Mitchie Torres 101.

And she does, like a charm, because her voice cracks when she says "For everything, kay. I don't know what got into me."

I mentioned we've fought before. We'd fight in person, but reconcile on Facebook. We did reconcile in person the last time we fought, because it was my fault. I wonder how it's going to be now.

I really don't know how to respond to her apology. So, "I really don't know how to respond to your apology," I tell her.

"I know, that's fine, I just…" She doesn't know what to say for herself.

"Oh, actually I do know what to say now. Are you sure you really don't know what got into you or are you just saying that?" I sip my coffee silently.

That hit the spot, didn't it?

She pushes her fingers against her eyes so the tears would get wiped away, then looks up at me. Then looks back down. "I… I was stupid. I've been stupid for a long time. Stupid and selfish and insensitive. And I can't be more sorry about it."

After everything that's happened it's hard for me to be all mushy and forgiving right now. That's how I've been with her for as long as I can remember, and so my heart has learned to tire out. If I could choose, I wouldn't choose for this to happen. I hate confrontation. But it's not my fault. The only thing I ever did out of order was love her. If I hadn't in the beginning, we wouldn't be in this situation.

But I love her nonetheless, and I'm an inappropriately compassionate person. I should be spitting out insults and mean things at her right now but I can't bring myself to. Not without sounding ridiculous.

Slowly, still calmy, I start. "You'll have to understand if I can't forgive you right away. You know how it is. But also, this time you'll have to understand if I don't forgive you for a long time. What I went through is something I can never make you understand. That's how deep and how hard it was." I pause for a bit and think over what I'm about to say next.

"I never pressed you for anything, Mitch, you know that. I was afraid I'd make a mess. But you KNEW, Mitchie, I'm SURE you did, because sometimes you showed me signs of hope but on others days it'd be like I meant nothing to you. It's like you weren't even thinking, and actually now I think you really weren't. You have no idea how that made me feel. And you have no idea how stupid I thought I was for constantly going back to you. I wanted to stop but I couldn't." Tears have already made their way down my cheeks when I stop again. I didn't feel them fall.

"There's nothing you can say to turn this around Mitchie, so don't even try." This is the part where my brain becomes a jumbled up mess and loses its ability to form coherent sentences. So I take another break to set things straight. I wipe my tears away.

"Will you please say sorry to Dan? He deserves an apology. You confused him."

With a dry throat Mitchie answers "Okay."

"I leave it all to you, Mitch. I still trust you to know what you're supposed to do now. If that's to keep breaking my heart…and, and keep me from being happy, and to put me through experiences I know I don't deserve without even thinking about it, then I truly don't know why I'm still friends with you."

With that I get up, grab my bag and leave.

Mitchie has a lot of work to do.

**AN**: Hey everybody! So how did ya'll like that? Was it what you expected? ;) I really like this chapter for some reason. I think it's helped me vent, haha. Hope you all liked it too. I aim on making the next chapter happy, and hopefully a level up from the cheese in my other story, so watch out for that.

Shout out to my friends **NickiMinajlover**,** nvrshoutnvr**, **quinnieh**, **greatpretender27** (Ate replyan kita ulit soon), **manhattanProject **(update soon!) and Mr. **SuperGravyMan**. :D I'm glad you're all enjoying this story.


	8. Just Keep On Chasing

AN: The usual, I'm so sorry this took forever, it's hell week, well, couple of weeks at school and in life now. No space to breathe. I'm brilliant and that's why I still find time to write silly stories. :)) SHOUT OUTS! **tatimac, NickiMinajLover, greatpretender27 **(Dan Humphrey ka dyan. Daniel Padilla. Super crush ko sha haha), **quinnieh, gycah18 **(are you Brazilian, hunny? I did not understand what you just said, but thank you! :D), **nvrshoutnvr, **Ms. **manhattanProject **(Hey hope you like this one :D), and the master of his potatoes (because I've run out of honorable accolades) the one and only **SuperGravyMan.**

Thanks also to those who've recently favorited and followed this story. :D

Special, special thanks to **Mell23. **This chapter's for you, friend. :)

Contrary to how this was planned out, it's not so happy, but I hope you see the development. Enjoy. :D

VIII.

END OF APRIL 2014

This is shit. There's just no better way to talk about it. The situations I've recently gotten myself into are all hard to describe, I've noticed.

I know it's dramatic to say that I've wished so many times that this was all a dream that I'm going to wake up from any minute now, but it's not and that sucks.

Dan left. Yeah, I was surprised, too. Another show that shot in Boston offered him the same job he has here but twice his current salary. But that's not the only reason he moved. I feel kind of sorry for him, actually, because what happened to him probably isn't a story he's going to tell his children someday.

Dan tried to stick it out with me. I have to give him that. I told him everything about Mitchie and I, and after I told him nobody had ever made me feel as happy as did, he completely understood. In the days that followed I took care of him—I tried to give him as much time and attention as he deserved. And he never asked for anything more. There IS such a thing as a perfect guy. Because this guy was just…sweet. I never picked up any sign of scant from him, even though he probably knew I was willing to give him everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.

Mitchie stopped being rude, and jealous and possessive. And it's a good thing she did 'cause if she still didn't in spite of what I said to her I swear to God… Anyway, as most people would expect she fell into her sweet self as well, which was upgraded by remorse and devotion, which I must say I have not seen until lately. What told me I'd really changed was the fact that she had been at this for about a month now and I still haven't crawled back into her arms. I would usually last no more than 3 days before I crack. This time I guess I really was pushed to my limit.

There we were, Dan and I around the end of March, desperately trying to cling to each other—him, insecure with the knowledge of me and Mitchie's history and Mitchie's subsequent attitude, and me, constantly showing him he has the upper hand here.

"Mitchie's the jerk, okay? You're perfect, sweetie. And you're tons and tons more attractive than she'll ever be." We were walking around aimlessly after having dinner one night. It was chilly so were both wrapped up. Dan was so cute in his leather jacket. "Sometimes, I think I don't deserve you."

"Don't ever think that, okay?" he says, kissing me on the temple. My arm was wrapped around his. "The rest of the world's just dumb. That or I'm smarter than everybody else. Or do both sentences mean the same?"

Such an ADORABLE boy. "I think they do," I tell him, nuzzling his shoulder. "But what gave you that opinion?"

"I saw you first. And I saw that you were special, first. I think that makes me extraordinarily smart."

At that I had to stop and kiss him. After, I kiss his nose lightly and hold him close. "You're… where did you come from, heaven?"

He smirks, "Oh, I actually forgot to tell you, I'm a fallen angel. You have no idea what kind of complications you're getting into with me." I don't have the heart to tease him about it so I just smile. And then from simply holding him close I give him a full hug. "Love you, Danny." And it was true. Still is, to be honest. I'm always going to love this guy. It was different— greatly refreshing in a way, from how it was with Mitchie.

"Love you too, Pumpkin."

Who would've thought that a mere 3 weeks after that, I'd never hear him say that again? At least, not in the same sense?

Although, like I said, Mitchie was never rude to either me or Dan again, she was cold to Dan. Even with work related matters. But by cold I mean she most likely felt like "I was an idiot for such a long time and now you have her and I don't know what to do, I'm sad and I resent you." She was never snappy, never raised her voice, but I could read the look on her face like a book.

I have not a single clue as to how she found out about the job offer, but she did, so she spoke to Dan without my knowledge. I don't know what she said to the boy either, but Dan decided he should take the job following that conversation. He wouldn't tell me what Mitchie said.

"You'll hear it from her, I'm pretty sure," was all he kept insisting. I was actually helping him pack.

"Are you mad at her?"

"I wanna be, but surprisingly I'm not."

"That's because you're an angel remember?... Are you mad at me?" I ask, looking at with only my eyes since my head was bowed down. Then I look down completely. I was ashamed that Mitchie did something like that but I wasn't sure if I had the right to be. Dan approached me and put his finger under my chin tugging upward. He kissed me slowly and sweetly. It totally felt like it would be the last. Then he said, "No, Pumpkin. You did nothing wrong."

"But aren't you gonna be sad? Who's gonna take care of you over there?"

"I'm sad now, and I miss you already, but I'll be fine. I did okay before you came. Mitchie's here, Lex, and she loves you, and I know you love her."

I pause before I speak. My throat has become thick all of a sudden. "But I love YOU, Danny."

His voice cracks as well. "I know, sweetheart. I love you, too, but Mitchie—"

"Is irrelevant!" I cut him off.

"Mitchie told me some stuff, Lex. She'll tell you, too. Soon. Hear her out, okay?"

I wanted to ask him why he was suddenly taking her side; I had a billion other questions but for some reason I couldn't ask him any.

I took him to the airport when he had to leave. And with a promise to stay in touch, and quite an amount of tears, I let him go.

x x x

MID-MAY 2014

After all that transpired, there was a problem I was then left to deal with. Mitchie.

How do you solve a problem like Mitchie Torres?

If she was driving me crazy before, now she's driving me to my very edge. I never even knew I _had _ an edge. Which doesn't even making sense. I mean isn't even make sense. Good Lord, the writer's grammar is slowly evaporating. Perfect.

It's not in my nature to ever be mean, and well, mean it. That's just the way I'm wired. So what's going on right now is, um… nothing. Mitchie and I going about each other like nothing weird ever happened. Except that she's been extremely sweet the past couple weeks. Imagine Mitchie being sweet without even touching me—she's a touchy-feely kind of friend to begin with, she's always been. And that was how I'd measure her level of sweetness for the day. Now, however, as much as it freaks me out, she's not even touching me so… yeah, imagine that. She opens doors for me, asks me if I'm tired or hungry several times during the day, goes to buy me food when I do say I'm hungry, and has offered to make breakfast every day since Dan left. Oh, and she's also offered to pay for dinner every night, that would've pushed through if I hadn't threatened not to eat if she's paying for everything.

This is sooooo uncharacteristic of her, I feel like I've entered a different dimension wherein there's a different Mitchie.

The most significant part is that now she listens, she REALLY listens, more than she ever has, and she always knows the right thing to say. Most importantly, she actually initiates the conversations now. And not just the conversations with topics only she enjoys.

So basically I've been Mitchie's little princess these past two weeks. I know I'm supposed to be jumping for joy and all that, I do appreciate everything, but believe it or not this sometimes feels like torture. When she's being all sweet sometimes I get the urge to just shove her and walk away. It reminds me of how I was so sweet to her before and how I would never get back what I hoped I would. What hurt the most is I couldn't stop hoping.

Like yesterday she randomly got me a Rose, and it was green, beautifully so, in a shade different from its leaves (I absolutely adore green). At first I was utterly shocked. And she handed it to me while we were on set; she had her clearcom* on and everything, and I just finished talking to the director. She was to be spoken to right after me, so before she had a word with him, she stepped in front of me, reached into her back pocket, and produced a green Rose.

"W-what's this, Mitch?" I stuttered after spending a full 5 seconds thinking.

And with a face of a kicked puppy she said, "It's a green Rose, love… Your favorite color."

At that point I was an Olympic sized swimming pool of emotions. In said pool were bitterness, anger and devastation, at the same time I was moved, scared and I found the whole thing hilarious. I wanted to make her eat it. The flower, I mean.

Yes, I'm officially going cuckoo.

I thanked her, quietly, anyways. And I almost forgot, she's started calling me 'love' now, too. Talk about irony.

Whenever she_would_ try to touch me, I'd step away. No matter how randomly it comes off as, I stay away. She's tried to hold my hand while we're walking, or talking, many times. I would indulge her for a few moments, then gently pull my hand away. At least now she knows what it's like for your hopes to rise and then fall within seconds.

I know we'll have to talk… about what Dan said she told him, eventually. Which I'm dreading, so I'm putting that off for as long as I can.

x x x

1 WEEK LATER

What is this girl playing at? Crap, I really do have to ask her soon. Heck, I think I have to ask her tonight.

We're at home. The lights are out, because the entire house is lit by candles. I never thought I'd be the type of girl to appreciate candle light this way, but surprise, surprise. Mitchie truly outdid herself tonight.

She bought me a DVD of 500 Days of Summer, which is like, my favorite movie in the whole world. So we're watching that, while eating traditional New York styled pizza, something I don't think I'll ever get tired of.

She must've noticed I wasn't munching on anything anymore, because she's offering me "More pizza, Lexy?"

"Yes, please. Are you keeping a calorie count, though? What if we die of indigestion in our sleep or something?"

"Always the optimist aren't we?" says Mitchie, handing me a fresh slice. I don't look at her as I reach for it, I just smile at the TV.

We're now at the part where Tom and Summer go to IKEA for the first time.

"We actually have a pretty good TV for people who make as much as we do every month, don't we?" this time I turn to look at her with large eyes.

She chuckles first and goes "Mmhmm."

My eyes fall on her legs, which I'm only noticing now is very much exposed due to her short sleep shorts. This girl has always had the nicest shaped thighs…

Just then my phone goes off. It's Dan's ringtone. I jump up and yell "Danny!" without meaning to. I search for the DVD remote so I can hit pause. When I find it, it's in Mitchie's tight grip. "Pause, please" I tell Mitchie. I was already heading toward my phone when I realize the movie's still playing. Thinking she must've not heard me, I walk backwards to tell Mitchie again, "Pause, please!" louder this time. But it still looks like she didn't hear anything. But because I can see right through her I know she's pretending. "Fine, geez," I huff. My phone has stopped ringing. But just as it did, it starts to ring again. I pick it up.

"Hey, Dan."

"Hey yourself. What took you so long to pick up?"

"I'm sorry, mom. Mitchie won't pause the movie."

"What movie?"

"Guess."

"Hmm, 500 Days?"

"Excellent guessing. So what's up?"

"Nothing much, just me making lots of money. I was just calling to check in."

"Why, thanks Mr. Rich, for looking out for little old me. Even though Zeke's already doing an exaggerated job of that."

"Of course, Pumpkin."

"Nobody calls me Pumpkin anymore."

And Mitchie interjects: "Ey, Pumpkin, we've got a movie over here!"

"Well, there you go."

"She's been so obnoxious lately," a pillow hits my nose at the last word. "OW!"

"You mean you guys are still—I mean she still hasn't—"

"Yup," with emphasis on the 'p' sound.

"Aw, hell. Sorry."

"S'okay. This is all your fault though."

"Hey!"

"I'm kidding! I'll call you at a… better time, okay?"

"Tomorrow at 9?"

"Okay, tomorrow at 9. Miss you."

"Miss you, too. Bye, Alex."

"Bye, Danny."

I pick up the pillow Mitchie chucked at me and march back to my seat. I actually can't remember where I left my pizza. Oh, there it is. I bite big and with my mouth full turn to Mitchie and say, muffled, "Do you mind rewinding?"

"Yes. Not my fault you missed some parts, you know." She was lying on the couch now, while I'm on the floor.

I turn back to the TV and carry on chewing my pizza. She doesn't understand how difficult this is for me. She's putting me through agony again and come to think of it, that's kind of been a habit of hers since we met. Alright, fine, since the day I had a retard moment and slipped and fell.

I can feel my chest fill with anger and sadness. I hold them in until my pizza's finished. I inhale-exhale so I don't explode. I notice that she really never bothered to go through with her supposed joke and just freakin rewind the movie. Good thing the pizza's finally all gone. "I…I'm kinda tired suddenly. The long… day at work's taking its toll, probably."

She looks up at me as I look down at her. Now her eyes are remorseful, in spite of her trying to keep them blank.

"You can't be tired yet. You're not tired," she says, pointedly.

"Yes I am, Mitchie. In more ways than one. You're not me, okay? But thank you, for tonight."

Funny, that used to be her line. Whenever I would pull off something sweet, back in the day—"But thank you," because she'd always have something to say before thanking me, like "You didn't have to," or "Why'd you do this?" hence, the 'but'.

With that I shut the door to my room and lock it. She knocks, though, of course.

"Alex, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? We'll rewind the movie."

"I'm just tired, Mitch, is all, kay? You know me, my joints turn to jelly when I'm tired."

"You think I'm buying that?"

A few moments of silence later I feel hot tears fall down my face. Emotion starts to build inside me again and I can't help but give into it this time around. I pull the door open so hard Mitchie falls forward a bit.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

Well, so much for asking nicely. And it looks like she never saw this coming. I'd been angry in the past but it's been a long time since I've been this emotional. She probably doesn't even remember.

But it looks like she has an answer ready now, so "Wait," I say, breathing heavily, trying to calm down, "Don't answer that. I'm sorry, I just… please, Mitch, not tonight. I… I need to be cut some slack… you know?" I have difficulty getting my words out because my chest is heaving and I can't stop crying. "How about some mercy, huh?" My head was bowed down and had been that way since I decided to calm down. I was afraid of what I might do if I see her face. But now I'm looking at her, because I know I've gotten a hold of myself and I'm about to close the door on her. She's silently crying, as well.

I motion to push the door closed and she takes a step back so I can shut it entirely.

I guess I'm sure she won't get any more ideas, so I leave the door unlocked.

*A clearcom is that big headphone thingy you see people who work on TV/theater wearing a lot. :)


	9. As My Heart Drops

IX.

NOVEMBER 2014, Alex's POV

Mitch and I haven't fought since that night I closed the door in her face, which was 9 months ago. She's finally learned to get on my good side more often. That is a drastic improvement.

She still continues to serve my every beck and call, as I anticipated. Still not complaining, seeing as this is totally beneficial to me. She's upped the sweet stuff, though. There's been a universal writers' block over on set lately. Days have been extra long, and nights even longer. On those particular occasions (long days and long nights) when I would come home exhausted beyond all reasonable doubt, sometimes refusing to get up in the morning, Mitchie would come into my room and shake me and whisper into my ear until I'd awaken (I'm sorry but I have to admit, her voice makes a killer alarm tone), after which, she'd serve me breakfast. Yup, in bed. She'd then sit on my bed and eat with me.

At first what I'd do was carry the tray back to the kitchen and we'd have breakfast there. Recently laziness has gotten the better of me though, so that's how we ended up with breakfast together in bed. When we've both finished she'd pick up the breakfast tray and tell me to "Hop to the shower, missy," and then kiss me on the cheek. I let her. Because… well here's the thing.

I have to give it to her, at this point; this strategy of hers is starting to work.

I can't help but feel that I'm being weak. It seems a little too soon. So though it's something I abhor confessing: all this time, my feelings for Mitchie never went anywhere. I just buried them down so deep because they were hurting me. Now that some light has managed to enter the cavern, the feelings are following the light up and out. It's the history, I guess. We've simply been through too much, too much for anyone else to come close. I'm sure I'm going to dedicate a chunk of my time on Earth hating that fact a bit. I thought—I believed I could move on and that I was wasting my time. I suppose this is proof that there are just some things that are inevitable.

Dan is here to visit his family for Thanksgiving. Also, to keep me sane.

"What am I gonna doooo Danny?"

"Drink this," the boy says, handing me my drink. We're at Starbucks.

"About Mitchie, loser." I jerk my frap away from him, say thank you, and sip.

Dan takes a seat and makes himself comfortable before looking at me and saying, "Hang in there, pumpkin."

"Huh?"

"Hasn't it been, like, exactly 3 years since you first 'realized?'"

It's incredible how this guy even remembers that. "It's incredible how you actually remember that, but yeah, actually. It's been 3 years this month."

"If Mitchie remembers too, I think something special's finally gonna happen this month. Don't tell me you don't see the possibility."

I pause to consider, and conclude that the guy does have a point. "She might, yeah. Judging by the way she's been lately. But still, I appreciate the heads up."

Dan smiles. "You know in your heart she's the only one who can truly make you happy," he declares, and proceeds to raise his coffee drink and take a sip.

"That's Tom Hansen, isn't it?" He gives a slight nod. I giggle at it. "You made me very happy too, Danny. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do pumpkin."

Dan has a new girlfriend now. Well, technically the girl isn't so new. He ran into his middle school sweetheart in Boston, and the rest as they say is history. I can't be happier for him.

x x x

1 WEEK LATER

I fell asleep in Mitchie's arms last night on the couch. It was one of those 'exhausted-beyond-all-reasonable-doubt' type of nights. She was laying on the couch watching something and the thing looked so soft and inviting I had to lie down, not caring if she was there. Apparently I didn't give her space to move and she had no choice but to spoon me. That or, you know, whatever else.

In all seriousness, though, I woke up feeling warm all over. A kind of warmth I've never felt before. I didn't get up right away, instead I rolled around so I was facing her. There's always been something about her sleeping that made her look even more beautiful. Maybe it's the peacefulness. It makes you see her without inhibitions—no mischief, no ulterior motives, no sadness or pretenses. Just Mitchie. All of her and none of her at the same time it's inexplicable.

I know it's been said many a time, but I could totally get used to this. I only got to do this in my daydreams.

I slide the tip of my pointer finger from the top of her forehead, to her nose, and all the way down her chin passing her lips. She starts to blink and finally opens her eyes.

"Mornin' pea brain. Did you enjoy sleeping with your giant teddy bear?"

"I sure did," Mitchie mumbles, pulling me closer. I stare into her eyes for and then pull away.

"Where are you going?" she asks.

"Your morning breath's gonna be the death of me." Hell ALL of you's gonna the death of me. I walk over to the kitchen to make us breakfast. I should make breakfast for a change. Yeah, I know, I've officially given in.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep without brushing my teeth."

"You'd have morning breath whether you brush your teeth or not."

So, she gets up to go brush her teeth. Sissy.

It feels…different, to have this kind of set-up with someone you've been close friends to for a long time. Refreshing. Especially after having pined after that friend for an equally long amount of time, and then getting hurt real bad, and then having that friend pine after you when you thought you were moving on…

I'm so relieved the roller coaster ride I've been off and on forever is finally shutting down. I'm tired. I'm amazed I was still alive enough to get off the damn thing.

Food was on the table when Mitchie came back out, fully showered. "I made you so self-conscious you took an early shower?"

"Yes."

"Seriously?"

"Haha, no, I just figured since I was in the bathroom already and you're on breakfast duty instead of me for the first time in a million years I may as well take my time bathing."

"I made you one of those sandwiches of mine you're so crazy about, I get it okay, shut up and eat." I put a plate of said sandwich in front of her. She grabbed it and indeed, shut up after her first bite. When that was over though, the first bite, "God, I missed this," she said with a moan.

There was a bit of silence and we both knew what it was about. I broke it first. "What about me? Did you miss me?"

She smiled, albeit a little sadly, because I was asking the right question. "I missed your whole self, Lexy. I've only had half of you this past year."

"I… I just needed time to forgive you Mitch. Is all."

"You've forgiven me when I haven't even apologized. You're…I…"

"You've been very sweet Mitch. That was the sweetest you've ever been since we met and I never thought you could actually become as sweet as that. It was a really big change. I think you've learned your lesson."

She stopped eating her sandwich because we started talking, but now she's gone back to devouring it. "Don't make plans tonight," she said to me with her mouth full.

I smile at her first, then tell her, pointedly, "It's a real good thing I'm here, Mitchie, because I swear you turn off normal people. Which I guess makes me abnormal, but yeah."

She swallows her food and then says again, "Please don't make plans tonight. I'd like to take you out."

"On a date?" I tease.

"…If you want," she says, absolutely serious, but with her mouth full. Again.

"If it is, are we gonna hold hands and stuff?"

Her sandwich is all gone by the time she answers "If you want," with that smile of hers. Only hers.

"Um, are you gonna kiss me at some point, if it were a date?"

"…If you want," says Mitchie again, not before turning red.

I must say I missed teasing her like this too. "Please, Lex," Mitchie murmurs with her head down now.

"Alright, Mitch, no need to cry. I'll go out with you." I say with a laugh in between words.

Mitchie looks back up at me with eyebrows scrunched together and a pout. "I hate you."

I didn't answer. I just stared back at her, smiling. Suddenly I was reminded of how we used to be, and how, after everything we've gone through, it all comes back down to this. And if the trend continues, this is always how it's going to be. Somehow, that doesn't seem so bad anymore.

So, for old times' sake, I get up and kiss her cheek, lingering. Then I head to the bathroom for a shower, leaving her there to think for herself.

At work, throughout the day we'd steal looks with smiles at each other. There was a lot of nostalgia in the office all day. And when my team came back from supervising the show's latest taping, I was greeted by Mitchie packing my stuff up for me. I watched until she handed me my backpack. Still, more nostalgia, now coupled with a familiar fluttering in my stomach.

"So, do you wanna go home first or eat now?" she asks me.

"I dunno, your call."

"We should drop our stuff off first, so that we won't have to carry them everywhere with us."

I snicker at how serious she's being. It doesn't go unnoticed. "What?" her voice goes high-pitched.

"Nothing, Mitch. Good call."

We go home to drop our stuff off, then make slight changes to our outfits, since the temperature's dropped a bit. On our way back out the door, Mitchie clears her throat and says "So, where would you like to go?"

The formality in her tone tells me she's nervous about screwing this up, which pulls at my heartstrings. So I decide to let everything go. I take her hand and intertwine our fingers. Her hand is warm and welcoming, just like how I always secretly thought it would be. Odd, though, that her hands are warm but she's nervous.

"Yes, this does mean I wanna hold hands," I tell her quietly, watching her reaction. We reach our apartment building's lobby and she still hasn't said anything. I rub the inside of her arm with my other hand. "Don't be nervous, baby girl. It's just me. We're good, okay? I'm way over the dramatic phase."

She looks at me and gives me a small toothless smile. I smile back bigger. "Okay, so, if I tell you I would like to go see the Eiffel Tower, would you take me?"

She finally loosens up a tad and laughs. "No."

"So, take me somewhere Italian."

"Oh there are tons of those here," says Mitchie. But she adds, "The Eiffel Tower is in France, Alex."

"Pssshhh, I knew that. Everyone knows that, silly. I just feel like eating pasta, no one asked you to make a connection. Now come on, I'm starving." We begin to walk. "You're paying, right? Since you invited? I didn't bring my wallet."

"Bitch."

"Best one in town, babe."

Dinner was the calmest and most relaxed one I'd had in forever. Amazing how months ago I would have never even considered being in this situation. We talked and laughed and shared food like we were BFF's. And I guess we were. Oh, the pizza was phenomenal, too.

When we were finished and out the door once more, Mitchie asks me again, "Now, where to?"

"I notice this is a very well-planned date, Michelle," I jibe.

"I just wanna make sure—"

I cut her off not only because I knew what she means to say, but also because this is how I am when I have an idea. "Have you been to the top of the Empire State Building?"

"—Well, no. No I haven't."

"Great. There to," I said, pulling her in the direction of said building.

We felt proud of ourselves after hailing a cab in less than 5 minutes. We rarely take taxis, plus this is the fastest either of us was able to get one. We couldn't stop snickering all the way to where we were headed, and the cabbie kept looking at us through the rear view mirror. Probably thought we were drunk or something. I'd think the same thing if I were him.

Things were a bit more somber once we reached the top and we saw the view. Both of us were completely silent for a while, until she broke the spell. "Wow… I mean, wow. You know?"

I took her first word as a cue to turn to her. Then I waited for her to look at me. When she does "Uh huh, wow," I say. She smiled knowingly at the gesture, rolled her eyes and then I felt a sharp pain on my forearm.

"Ow! Did you just pinch me? Why would you pinch me?" Fortunately there weren't many people up there with us, or we'd have probably made a scene.

"That was… that was so… oh, you know." With that she shoves me, not a strong shove, and then she goes on over to one of those telescope things. I fished a coin out of my pocket and followed, and dropped a quarter into the coin slot once I got there. She thanked me, and then spent the next few minutes enjoying New York City from all the way up here. I just watched. Her, I mean.

Another few moments later, "Lex, your turn!" she calls to me. I'd walked a short distance from where she stood to rest my head on the ledge. I went back over to her and peeked in. It was breathtaking.

"It's so cool that I actually know the places I'm looking at," I said to Mitchie when my time was up. I stood beside her as we went back to admiring the lights.

"It's also cool that I'm here with you," Mitch tells me. "I think I always thought my future would have you in it."

Then we were quiet again.

She was again the one to break it. "You never changed," she said. I looked at her and said back, "Say more. There's more to that sentence."

"You never changed. The whole world could change around you but you'd stay the same. It amazes me beyond words."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

For some reason I was prepared for something like this to happen—with the help of all those years of watching HER constantly change, ironically, before becoming who she is now, and finally reaching this state of mind.

I don't reply to her right away because I was thinking, but eventually, "Thank you, Mitch. I'm glad that's appreciated."

I pause a bit, then ask her the question I know now's the right time to ask. "What did you tell Dan before he left, Mitch? He told me you guys spoke."

"We did." I waited for her to continue. True enough, she looks at me and into my eyes. "The first thing I did in that conversation was to beg for his forgiveness. He was confused as to why of course, but not after I started to beg him for you. I told him I had been stupid for a long time, because it took me 3 years just to realize that you're my one true love."

I couldn't help but laugh a little at those three words. "'One true love?' And those were the exact words you used?"

"I was desperate okay. You can't blame a hopeless romantic."

"You took much longer, though. For a hopeless romantic."

She rolled her eyes at me for the second time that night and carried on, "I told him that I was sure that I felt for you in a way no one else can, ever, and in the same way I can never feel for anyone else. I told him 'I know this is going to sound selfish and absurd, but I think the only way both Alex and I can truly be happy is for us to end up together.' If… if you ended up with him Lex, maybe you guys would be fine, but I couldn't see myself ever becoming fully okay without you. I tried to imagine life without you for much much longer than when you left California to come here and I just…couldn't."

"You got him there. He definitely felt you then because he left." I was standing pretty close to Mitchie at this point. While she was telling her story she would look down at times, then look back into my eyes, then look back down again. She was looking right at me now, and appeared to be coming closer and closer. For a split second I thought I was in another of those daydreams.

The kiss was… the kiss was. I was complete suddenly. And felt like I was the luckiest girl alive to be feeling this way. Her lips were softer than they were in my head.

Mitchie licked her lips after what was just the longest 3 seconds in my life. "I love you very much, Alex," she tells me with her eyes closed at the beginning, and open at the end of her sentence. "I know I hurt you a lot, so I want you to know, that I'm sorry. I never intended to do that to you. And I'm never letting anything like that happen to you ever again. I can't be sorrier, love."

I nod. She's never sounded this sincere before. And I doubt she's ever even tried.

"You have to world's biggest heart. To prove it, you're still here. I truly thought you were going to leave me at some point, I was getting ready for a war, but turns out you're not a fan of battle. There's only one of you in this world, Alex. I can't fathom finding anyone, anywhere, even remotely close to you. I love you, I love you so so much."

Her tears started to fall right around 'I was getting ready for a war.' When she was finished I wrapped my arms around her neck and pull her close to me. "I remember you used to tell me you'd love me always, Mitch. I guess I never stopped believing that," I say into her neck.

I let her go and take a small step back so I can thumb her tears away. "I love you too, Mitchie. Always."

I called Dan once we got home to tell him what happened. He kept saying "I told you so" and that I had it coming so I shouldn't protest. So I didn't.

I slept in Mitchie's bed that night. I can't remember ever sleeping more peacefully.

The two of us are gonna watch Macy's epic parade first, then going back to California next week to celebrate Thanksgiving. Our friends promised to come back with us to see New York after Christmas so we can watch the ball drop on New Year's.

Hopefully things will go smoothly from here on out. I've got my fingers crossed. There are no more pavements to chase, so I'm reassured. But you know, I figured, if you wanna try chasing something immobile, like a pavement, maybe you should stay put.

**AN: **A million eternal thanks to everyone who read, if you had fun reading, that's all I really wanted to happen in writing this story. To all who followed and/or favorited me and this story, and all my favorite reviewers, you guys know who you are. :) 'Til my next project, yes? :D


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